


dreamers of dreams

by redsyub



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dreams vs. Reality, Dreamsharing, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Infidelity, Jealousy, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, Multi, Pining, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Symbolism, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27132866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsyub/pseuds/redsyub
Summary: Jeonghan has suffered from the inability to dream ever since his birth. Yet he is lucky enough to find solace in his friendship with Joshua.It all changes one night when he wakes up in a dream and is completely aware of the fact that he is dreaming.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 11
Kudos: 136





	dreamers of dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hana_1004](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hana_1004/gifts).



> the ages depicted in this fic are korean. and the only thing i can guarantee without spoiling the fic is that jihancheol is endgame in this fic.
> 
> happy birthday, chichi! i do hope you manage to like this work like all my other works.

Jeonghan as a child was always known for his dull and lifeless imagination. If his primary school teacher asked him to draw a house over the hill, Jeonghan would literally scribble a  _ square box _ over a  _ semi-circle _ and call it a day. But it never felt like the end of the world because children had fickle minds and nobody clung on to such minuscule abnormality in Jeonghan’s state of mind. Everyone genuinely  _ believed _ that Jeonghan would grow out of it.

Things only deteriorated for the worse. 

In middle school, Jeonghan excelled in academics and sports. He always managed to avoid the Art subject like the plague but one semester, due to a slight error from the administration department, Jeonghan was forced to opt for Art and needless to say, he  _ failed _ the course. His lack of creativity became a laughing stock for the other kids and naturally, Jeonghan became a reclusive child. 

“Hey!” 

Jeonghan doesn’t hear the greeting and continues to read his novel under the shade of the tree erected on the far end corner of the school playground. It isn’t until he feels someone tap on his shoulder that he puts his book down to face the person. 

The first thing that Jeonghan notices is the eyes.  _ Big and curious. Kind. _ The boy looks too kind, almost angelic and the harsh sun rays just seem to make the boy glow more brightly. 

“Are you here for me?” Jeonghan sputters the first words that come to his mind. A shy smile forms on the boy’s lips as he nods.  _ Cute. _

“What do you want?” Jeonghan asks dubiously, having a hard time believing that a kind-looking person would come to him without any malicious intent.

“In simple words,  _ friendship.” _ The other person says.

Jeonghan tries to recognise who the kid in front of him is. He does not talk to people, but he likes to keep a track on people he studies with. Something about having the satisfaction of having an upper hand over other people. While the other kid rocks over the balls of his feet, Jeonghan finally puts a name to his face.

He’s Joshua Hong, the foreign kid whose parents moved back to South Korea from the United States two years back, hence the  _ English _ name.

“What’s the catch?” Jeonghan asks.

“No catch. I just think all the other kids in this school aren’t as  _ cool _ as you.”

“You think I’m cool?” Now Jeonghan is convinced that something is fishy here. Generally, Jeonghan would be considered anything but cool by others. He’s the weird kid.  _ The kid with no creative vision. _

“Of course! You live by your own rules like a lone wolf. I think only a person with  _ extremely big guts _ could ignore the haters and live freely. It’s not cool to follow the herd like a sheep anyway.” Joshua compliments him with big eyes. Jeonghan can clearly discern the fascination behind those brown eyes.

It’s a foreign feeling to be  _ accepted _ by someone despite them knowing about the major flaws that repel the others. Jeonghan supposes that there is no harm in making a friend. 

Especially a friend that looks so  _ adorable. _

  
  


~~~

  
  


The friendship between Jeonghan and Joshua  _ blossoms _ as the time passes by and their bond just becomes stronger and stronger. On the other hand, Jeonghan’s streak of misanthropy also grows stronger and by the last year of his high school, he reaches his  _ ultimate rebellious phase. _ He grows out his hair and bleaches them to look the part of being the alienated kid. He does get lectures from adults every now and then who try to mitigate his disobedience but Jeonghan stays unbothered. 

He has adopted the motto —  _ ignorance is bliss. _

Because Joshua is his only friend, they always stick to each other like two peas in a pod. Joshua does interact with other people occasionally — in school, tuition classes and other extracurricular activities, but one way or another, he always finds his way  _ back _ to Jeonghan. 

People have always questioned their relationship. It definitely goes  _ beyond _ what is considered normal. For starters, they both have no concept of personal space between them. Jeonghan loves Joshua and with love comes other  _ cravings _ like wanting to run his hands through the other’s hair, wanting to pinch the soft, plump cheeks, wanting to leave affectionate kisses over Joshua’s soft and supple body,  _ wanting, _ always wanting. 

But in the end, his feelings for Joshua are limited to platonic love.  _ Nothing less _ and at the same time  _ nothing more. _

In fact, one day, when Joshua had timidly approached him and came out to him, Jeonghan didn’t think much of it, didn’t judge him, just took the man in his embrace and showered him with comforting words. Joshua’s sexuality never made him question his sexuality. It  _ didn’t matter _ to him. Even when all of Joshua’s partners blamed Jeonghan for their breakups, the latter brushed aside the matter and took Joshua to the arcade to cheer him up afterwards. 

Staying with Joshua helps Jeonghan  _ forget _ about the stigma that surrounds him.

Joshua always plays with Jeonghan’s long, blonde hair — plaiting, curling, holding. Only Joshua gets the luxury to run his fingers through Jeonghan’s magnificent mane and the latter thinks that everything in the world is good like this. 

Jeonghan  _ ignores _ the existence of others like a champ.

“Jeonghan-ah?”

“Mhmm?” Jeonghan hums back dazedly as Joshua massages his head deftly.

“I’m curious. Do you have dreams while you sleep?”

Jeonghan wonders if his imagination will be any better if he could remember his dreams. He’s sure that he  _ must _ dream. Science has proven that each individual goes through REM sleep. Although it's up to the individual whether they can recall their dreams or not. Jeonghan clearly can’t and few voices in his head tell him that it's a  _ cause for concern,  _ and he should probably see a doctor about it, but he is a master at ignoring his own problems. Besides, he does not want to burden his parents with unnecessary medical bills.

“I’m sure I do, Shua. I just can’t ever seem to remember them for too long after I wake up.”

“Maybe you should keep a dream journal beside your bed and catalogue whatever you can remember in the morning,” Joshua suggests in his sweet tone. Jeonghan accepts the suggestion openly.

Although, Jeonghan does not even end up buying a journal.

  
  


~~~

  
  


College changed a lot of things for Jeonghan and Joshua. The latter chose his Korean citizenship over American and thus after completing their first year, both of them enlisted for their mandatory military service. 

The night before they both had to leave for their basic training, Jeonghan sat on the edge of the bathtub sill and Joshua sat behind him. The process felt  _ debilitating _ as he saw the locks of his blonde hair fall in front of him in chunks. 

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with a shaved head,” Joshua commented as he ran his fingers through Jeonghan’s remaining freshly grown, black roots. Jeonghan looked at his reflection and it was like looking at a  _ completely different man. _ He couldn’t recognise the man in the mirror.

That day, it felt like all his detestation and rebellious nature  _ drained away _ into the gutter along with his hair. 

Due to unfortunate circumstances, Jeonghan and Joshua were posted to different battalions. 

The military never demanded creativity and Jeonghan was finally able to find a place for himself among the men. He was easily able to gel in between them, talk, laugh and cry with them. Joshua remained a  _ persistent presence _ in the back of his mind but a couple of phone calls in a week couldn’t withstand the distance. 

Jeonghan  _ learnt _ to survive without Joshua. 

His practicality helped him to ace his tasks and become the top-ranked sergeant;  _ everyone’s favourite soldier. _ The dreamers were always shunned in the army. Jeonghan remembered the lanky and delicate structure of Joshua and  _ hoped _ that his seniors went easy on him. 

After 21 months, Jeonghan was a  _ completely changed man. _

  
  


~~~

  
  


If Jeonghan thinks he has changed a lot after his conscription, Joshua looks like he spent the last 21 months  _ pumping iron _ like a rat. 

His face still looks  _ delicate and gentle, _ everything that Jeonghan has always found solace in. But Joshua isn’t the scrawny kid that he remembers anymore. He’s lost considerable fat in his face (shame because Jeonghan loved to squish Joshua’s cheeks) and has managed to put on muscles around his arms and torso. Guess the soldier's life was hard on the other man as well and if Jeonghan thought only he had come out as a new man, he was  _ sorely mistaken. _

“Jeonghan-ah!” Joshua’s face lights up as he spots Jeonghan entering the café they both planned to meet at. The latter slowly makes his way to Joshua and takes a seat in front of the other.

“Shua? Are you really the same Shua I remember?” Jeonghan asks with wide eyes. Joshua laughs, unbridled and adorable and a small, fond smile forms on Jeonghan’s face.

“Of course, you idiot! You’ve changed, too, Hannie.” Joshua comments. 

Jeonghan knows he has. The best part is that he is proud of the change.  _ It’s him. _ The better Jeonghan who happens to have a list of friends, all his military comrades’ numbers saved in his phone. 

After a few minutes, it gets easier to remember their friendship and the stories keep lining one after the other. 

His life suddenly starts to fit into pieces and Jeonghan is ecstatic.

  
  


~~~

  
  


At the prime age of 26, Jeonghan has his life figured out. He works at a global corporate firm as a Data Analyst and earns well enough to afford a two-bedroom apartment in Dongdaemun-gu. Naturally, Joshua also lives with Jeonghan. The other man works as an English Content Developer in a magazine company. Life is good for both of them.

As good as it can get for Jeonghan, at least. 

He still suffers from a  _ dull imagination, _ his only saving grace being that his work demands computation of already present data and not creating it from scratch. Nobody can even discount his wits as he is  _ one of the best _ analysts the company has.

Jeonghan still believes that dreaming is a  _ glorified concept, _ something that people romanticise unnecessarily. The absolute worst thing is that he hides about his inability to dream from everyone, his family, friends and even  _ Joshua. _

“Hannie?”

“Yeah?” Jeonghan stops working on his presentation on his laptop to watch Joshua standing with a duffle bag hanging from his shoulder in front of him.

“I’m going to visit my parents for the weekend,” Joshua informs. Jeonghan places his laptop on the coffee table and stretches his body, hearing the bones crack from disuse and feeling extremely satisfied with the movement. 

“Are you leaving me alone, Shua?” Jeonghan asks with a pout on his lips. Joshua momentarily freezes to find Jeonghan being sulky about it until he finally sees through the cracks and understands that Jeonghan is  _ pretending _ to be difficult about it. In all fairness to Jeonghan, he is allowed to act all cute and pouty with Joshua. 

The latter walks closer to him and cards his fingers through Jeonghan’s hair. After coming back from his conscription, Jeonghan started to bleach his hair again but this time, he only stuck to short lengths, his hair long enough to cover his eyes. And as always, Joshua is the  _ only one _ who gets to play with them, even if Jeonghan has considerably more friends to hang around with.

“I’ll miss you. Behave while I’m not around. And don’t burn the house!” Joshua chides him gently while pulling his ears. Jeonghan makes a wounded noise which is followed by them laughing about something completely random.

Joshua’s soft brown hair shines under the lights and Jeonghan swipes them off his eyes to look at the other’s big and deep eyes. He leans in to leave a chaste kiss on Joshua’s cheek because his body  _ compels _ him to do so. Even after all these years, Jeonghan and Joshua are physically comfortable with each other and don’t find touching each other weird.

Jeonghan wonders how long they can keep this up until one of them finds a partner and has to inevitably find space between them.

  
  


~~~

  
  


It’s a Friday night and Jeonghan goes to sleep after switching off all the lights in the apartment. As Joshua has gone to his parents’ house, Jeonghan is all alone but doesn’t mind it much.

Just like every single night of his life, he is going to have a dreamless but satisfying sleep, he thinks and closes his eyes easily.

Turns out, Jeonghan was  _ dead wrong. _

He finds himself standing in the middle of a football field in the dead of the night. All the floodlights beam harshly on him and Jeonghan notices four of his shadows, dancing around him because of the illumination. It is eerily quiet, not even the crickets croak around him. Jeonghan knows this is  _ not real life. _ The colours wash out near the horizon and it is a dead giveaway. But if it is not real, the other possibility leaves Jeonghan baffled for a long minute.

_ Jeonghan is dreaming. _

At first, he is charmed by the vista in front of him. It’s a dream and he is dreaming. But soon after, the fright of having a dream follows him. Why the hell is he suddenly dreaming? What happens in a dream? Is there a significant reason why he is having  _ this _ particular dream?

His endless train of questions comes to a halt when he turns around and finds  _ another presence _ standing with his back to Jeonghan some 30 metres away.

Black hair. Probably a well-built body. Great ass. Superior thighs. 

Like a pull of a magnet, Jeonghan starts to walk towards the person. He can’t help but be  _ curious _ about the other’s presence. 

“Excuse me?” Jeonghan hesitantly calls out the other. The man turns around and Jeonghan feels that his soul has been  _ jolted _ by thunder lightning. It's a bizarre situation.

At first glance, Jeonghan notices a  _ kind face _ that seems to glow like a star under floodlights. Big dark eyes that seem to reflect  _ streaks of ash grey. _ Plump lips that honestly look  _ doused in strawberry jam. _ Jeonghan has never seen a human more beautiful than the one in front of him. With an oversized topcoat over a simple shirt and jeans, the man looks like he  _ matters somewhere _ but isn’t too boastful about it. Jeonghan feels underdressed in his plain sweater and sweatpants.

“Oh? Hello.” The man bows down and greets Jeonghan respectfully.  _ A man with manners. _ Could this man stop being so goddamn perfect?

“Hi. Who are you?” Jeonghan asks.

“Choi Seungcheol.” He replies with a gummy smile. His gums are pink and remind Jeonghan of cotton candy.  _ Sweet delicacy. _ Jeonghan can almost taste the sweetness on the tip of his tongue. 

“I am Yoon Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol wordlessly walk together towards the gate to exit the stadium–Sangam stadium. Jeonghan is aware this is a dream, but he can’t shake the  _ weirdness _ off behind the whole aspect. The dream weaves in front of him and creates an image through a series of light refraction to create a well-planned city. He knows they are in Mapo-gu, a district known for its hip vibe which usually bustles with youngsters. But at the moment, everything looks deserted and it truly feels like  _ only Jeonghan and Seungcheol _ exist in this world. 

Jeonghan wants to talk to Seungcheol, has this grave urge to  _ uncover _ the depths behind the other man, but he stays quiet and focuses on exploring the dream instead. It's probably the social embarrassment that inhibits him from making a conversation but seeing as the other man also makes zero effort to strike a conversation, Jeonghan thinks that both of them are  _ sailing on the same boat. _

They explore the abandoned city for hours. In Jeonghan’s honest opinion, it feels more like a  _ nightmare than a dream. _ The lights keep flickering everywhere, cars are parked in the middle of the street like they have been abandoned by the respective owners, there is zero evidence of any other human existence and it's sinisterly quiet. It feels like he’s walking in a dead man’s land.  _ Graveyard. _

It’s only when the ground beneath him starts to open up, and he stumbles down the dark hole is when Jeonghan finally wakes up in his own bed, breathing heavily and his body covered in a light film of sweat.

For the first time in his life, Jeonghan  _ vividly remembers _ the whole dream. 

Seungcheol’s deep voice  _ echoes _ in his ears.

  
  


~~~

  
  


It’s the weekend which generally means Jeonghan either goes out to meet up with his friends to wind down or stays at home to catch up on Netflix. The dream lingers in his mind and drives him incapable to do much. So he decides to just stay back in the safety of his own house and choose the latter option for the day.

Jeonghan tries to fool himself into thinking that maybe all of it was a  _ once in a lifetime _ experience because he has been watching too many horror and thriller genre films lately, and he is mentally exhausted. Therefore, his mind is finally able to fabricate such creative illusions in his head. But it still feels pretty unreal that he can remember the dream so distinctly. He wants to talk about this with Joshua, but he isn’t even sure if it is something he really needs to bother himself with.

Right, he can remember the dream. But it’s not supposed to be a monumental feat. In fact, it's a  _ pretty common _ facet of a human’s life. And to make the matter even worse, Joshua somehow believes that Jeonghan dreams because he didn’t want the other man to worry about him. So it's not like he can discuss it with the other man without revealing that he has been lying to him. The moment the whole situation starts to drain his thinking skills, Jeonghan instantly drops the matter.

It’s just a dream. It’s not worth it.

Although, he does think about the man with big, dark eyes and plump lips. 

_ Seungcheol. _

As the night approaches, he readies himself for a refreshing slumber, hoping that a night’s sleep will wash away the bizarre thoughts out of his head.

  
  


Jeonghan finds himself in a breathtaking tunnel made of flowers. The tunnel is draped in purple, pink, blue and white blossoms and the light seems to sprinkle in through the gaps that sway with the light breeze. The scent that surrounds him is  _ intoxicating _ almost heavenly. It’s sweet with a bit of musky undertone and Jeonghan wants to drown in it. He moves closer to the edge and tries to touch the tunnel to know if it is all real. 

The petals are  _ buttery soft _ under his fingertips and Jeonghan knows it's a dream but it  _ strangely _ feels so real. The light reflects so beautifully that it feels like he’s watching the sparkling show of  _ purple diamonds _ around him.

“Jeonghan-sshi.” The unusually  _ familiar _ deep voice echoes behind him. And just like the pull of a magnet, Jeonghan turns around. 

His eyes go wide like saucer as he feels his whole world  _ shift _ on its axis. 

It can’t be happening again.

“Seungcheol-sshi.” Jeonghan manages to speak in a stable voice.

“Can I just confess that I am  _ horrifically weirded _ out by this?” Seungcheol says after closing the distance between them.

“You’re not the only one,” Jeonghan adds in mild horror. “Do we by any chance know each other in real life?” He asks to make sure. People don’t dream about a person they have  _ never seen _ two nights in a row. Seungcheol studies his face with knitted brows and wide eyes. 

“I don’t think so.” He finally relents. 

Seungcheol looks just like he did in yesterday’s dream,  _ kind and beautiful. _ But an uneasy expression mars his face and Jeonghan thinks his own face must look like Seungcheol’s face at the moment.

“Have you tried walking out of this tunnel?” Jeonghan asks while shifting his weight from one foot to another. Seungcheol nods in return.

“You kind of materialised in late but I’ve checked. It’s just black nothingness, a dark void on both ends. I don’t want to know what happens if we fall.” Seungcheol informs him as he sits down on the floor, the fallen soft petals strewn everywhere around him. 

In the hues of purple and pink, Seungcheol looks  _ otherworldly, _ his dark eyes reflecting that unusual streak of ash grey under the pretty colours. Jeonghan tells himself to school his thoughts. This isn’t the time to be gawking at a man when there are other grave matters to concern himself with. Like the  _ existence _ of this dream. 

“I guess we have no choice but to talk this time,” Jeonghan concludes as he sits on his haunches near the other man. Last night, they could avoid talking as they explored the lifeless city of Seoul. This time,  _ they are stuck together. _

“I guess we do.” Seungcheol agrees as he picks up a fallen petal and strokes it with his pale hands. 

Jeonghan thinks of asking the first thing that makes sense to him, “Do you usually  _ remember _ your dreams?” 

Jeonghan should’ve  _ anticipated _ it but essentially, he didn’t because it didn’t make any sense. Seungcheol’s eyes shoot wide as his breath hitches. It seems as if Jeonghan has somehow uncovered  _ Seungcheol’s biggest secret. _ Funnily enough, it is also  _ Jeonghan’s biggest secret. _

“How did you fig–” Jeonghan interrupts him and saves him from fumbling his words.

“I’m the same.” 

After processing the situation for a few seconds, Seungcheol’s face morphs into a look of understanding and affinity. For the first time in his life, Jeonghan feels like he’s  _ found _ someone who will supposedly understand his repressed emotions. But for now, he tries to recover from the fact that all of this is real.  _ Seungcheol is real. _ And in a convoluted way, all of this is a dream.

“So does this mean I’m not weird?” Seungcheol finally asks and breaks the silence. Jeonghan snorts at the absurdity of that question. How many times has Jeonghan been called weird? He’s probably lost count by now.

“No. I think it means we are the weird ones.” Jeonghan concludes with a sigh. 

Seungcheol absorbs his words pensively. His lips form a slight pout and Jeonghan is slowly starting to crave some strawberries. 

“Do you think we should take our situation seriously?” Seungcheol finally asks. 

Jeonghan looks at Seungcheol’s face that glitters under the refracting light. He does not understand this innate attraction towards the other man but there seem to be  _ forces _ that are forcing him to look at Seungcheol in a light that’s  _ too dangerous. _ The fact that Seungcheol looks like a celestial being does not help his turmoil.

“If we manage to remember this dream in our waking senses, then yes, we should take our situation seriously and discuss it if we happen to meet each other again in our future dreams.” Jeonghan comes up with the solution. 

Seungcheol nods hesitantly, and then they fall back to the lighter side of the conversation.  _ Job, age, family; _ all the mundane information.

In this dream, time is an abstract concept. They don’t know if only an hour has passed or six hours. Jeonghan uses this metaphysical time to learn about Seungcheol. They are of the same age, so they are easily able to shed away the honorifics. Jeonghan learns that Seungcheol is a Customer Relationship Officer at a corporate firm and some more boring details related to it. He likes to do some gardening in his free time and owns a dog. Jeonghan definitely doesn’t make a face when Seungcheol shares that he treats the dog as his daughter. He most certainly  _ doesn’t. _

In short, Seungcheol seems like a pure man with a very harmless lifestyle. Jeonghan still can’t shake the fact that his appearance looks very  _ intimidating and domineering. _ It certainly does not match his personality, to say the least.

After what seems like a whole eternity, the flowers above them start to fall over them gradually and the floor beneath them starts to open up. As Jeonghan starts to fall down the void, he wakes up while breathing heavily and sweating profusely.

Turns out, Jeonghan  _ remembers _ each and every nitty detail of the dream and now it has become a situation that  _ can’t _ be ignored.

  
  


~~~

  
  


It takes time. It certainly takes a lot of time to settle down with such profound changes in his life while pretending to act like nothing significant has changed in his life. 

The fact that he can’t even share this news with Joshua  _ hurts. _ Jeonghan thinks about coming clean to Joshua once in a while, but then he realises he needs to also admit that he hid the fact that he couldn’t dream before from Joshua for so long and Jeonghan retracts back from that train of thoughts. 

After the fifth dream, Jeonghan gets better adept at navigating himself through the different environments. And he has also learnt that if the domain of the dream is limited, and he tries to jump down the void, he ends up falling back in the same place, ergo the dream can only end when Jeonghan wakes up in the real world.

One thing Jeonghan will admit though — the dreams are beautiful and enrapture him completely. Jeonghan spends more than half his time  _ marvelling _ at the details of these dreams. They are always so intricately weaved in and give the feeling of a real world. And Seungcheol always looks  _ hauntingly handsome _ in different hues of colours that splashes on his face.

“Are you even listening to what I’m saying, Jeonghan-ah?” 

“Huh?” Jeonghan comes out of his reverie as his body gets shaken violently by Joshua. They both are sitting on a sofa and watching a film on Netflix. Well, at least Joshua is because Jeonghan is thinking about the latest dream where he and Seungcheol were stuck in the middle of the desert and trying to figure out how to ride the camels in front of them. After a while, Jeonghan had commented that Seungcheol kind of  _ resembled _ the camel and the latter had taken great offence at the comment. He refused to talk to Jeonghan and sulked like a child, whining and pouting in intermittent spurts. 

Essentially, Seungcheol looked adorable and Jeonghan in a twisted way wanted to eat him up. He thinks Seungcheol’s cheek might taste like a chapssaltteok.  _ Soft. Chewy. _

“You have been really out of it lately. Has work been stressing you out a lot?” Joshua asks calmly as he rubs Jeonghan’s shoulder. The latter feels warmth  _ seep _ through his sweater, and he instinctively snuggles closer to Joshua. He is warm and soft even with all his hard muscles and Jeonghan loves that. He’ll  _ always _ love that. 

“A bit.” Jeonghan has mastered the art of lying and on special occasions, he is even able to  _ fool _ Joshua. Fabricating beautiful lies on the spot comes naturally to him, clean-cut and precise, the lies winding and twisting like a snake. But most of the time, Joshua sees through his bullshit. Jeonghan hopes Joshua doesn’t press more on this topic because he sincerely has  _ no words _ to provide at the moment. 

What is he supposed to say anyway?

_ ‘I’ve been dreaming of a man lately but I’ve never seen him in reality.’ _

Jeonghan turns his head to look at Joshua. The colourful lights from the TV wash over his face, and he glows even when they have dimmed the lights of the living room. Joshua lightly chews on his bottom lips and there is a  _ peculiar want _ simmering inside Jeonghan’s guts. He knits his eyebrows in confusion as he tries to understand the depth of his thoughts. He reminds himself that Joshua is his best friend, the man he grew up together with, the man that stayed by his side when the whole world shunned him for being the weird one.

“Well, as I was saying,” Joshua’s sweet voice brings Jeonghan back to the present. “I met  _ someone _ while I was going to my parent’s house two weeks back.” 

“Did you?” 

“Yeah. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it before, but we’ve been talking back and forth, and he’s really nice. I think I might give him a shot.” Joshua confesses and Jeonghan observes that the other man’s cheeks are dusted pink. It’s a good look on Joshua.  _ Soft look.  _

Usually, Jeonghan doesn’t get fazed by the knowledge of Joshua dating others. But this time, the air between them feels stiff and raw, and he thinks that maybe the idea of Joshua with someone else is making him  _ sick. _ This newfound jealousy brimming inside him feels  _ foreign, _ feels  _ wrong, _ feels  _ unwarranted. _ Jeonghan has never cared who Joshua dated before because he always saw him as a friend. But now, he wants to scream and question Joshua about their relationship. 

They are both 26-year-old men and the last time Jeonghan checked, adults their age don’t sleep together cuddling, don’t kiss each other on the cheeks, don’t stick to each other even when the weather is warm. 

_ It’s what lovers do. _

Jeonghan isn’t fond of the fact that Joshua’s relationship with him  _ ends _ at friendship.

He tries to think of big, dark eyes and plump lips to distract his thoughts. And then he chides himself for thinking about Seungcheol because why is his mind running towards Seungcheol at a time like this? 

“Well, if you like the guy, I’m obviously happy for you.” Jeonghan manages, surprisingly enough with a stable voice. 

The taste left behind Jeonghan’s mouth after voicing his opinions is bitter and rubbery. He gets up from the sofa and walks to the bathroom. 

He bends down the toilet and almost dry heaves.

  
  


~~~

  
  


It is probably one of the prettiest dreams Jeonghan has ever found himself in. He’s standing in the middle of a  _ field of purple flowers. _ One would expect a burst of the sweet scent would overwhelm their nose in such a place but Jeonghan can’t discern any proper aroma. All he can do is admire the shades of purple stretching till the end of horizons in all directions.

Seungcheol soon joins him and plucks a flower from the ground and spins it in his fingers by its stalk.

“They are saffrons. I remember my grandma saying that these are the most expensive spices in the world. Their worth is even more than  _ gold in weight, _ you know?” Seungcheol comments as he plucks the red stigmas and drops it on Jeonghan’s outstretched palms. The latter studies the threads and brings it closer to his nose to smell. It really doesn’t have any pleasant smell, and he does not understand why people would use it as a spice. Maybe its taste has  _ more weight. _

Jeonghan lays down on the flowerbed, knowing that he isn’t ruining someone’s hard work anyway as it is all a dream and admires the white-blue skies. The sun glows like a ball of fire but kisses his skin in the  _ balmiest _ way possible, giving him relief from the crisp and cold breeze.

Seungcheol joins him as well and lays down next to him, his body positioned in the other direction. Their faces are side to side and Jeonghan turns his neck to stare at the other man.

With this proximity, Jeonghan can distinguish smaller details over Seungcheol’s face. He’s got very long eyelashes, and they completely shield his dark eyes with traces of ash grey.  _ Ethereal. Exquisite. _ Seungcheol has that gummy smile on his face and Jeonghan notices that there is a dimple on the right side of his cheek. Its existence feels dangerous because Jeonghan thinks he wants to drown in them. 

_ Drown.  _

Drown in Choi Seungcheol. Drown in his big eyes. Drown in his strawberry doused lips.  _ Drown, drown, drown. _

Jeonghan feels like he wants to reach out, wants to sew the distance between them as he feels the  _ buzzing magnetic pull _ between them.

“Have you figured out why we have these dreams yet?” Seungcheol asks him suddenly, his rich deep voice fluttering inside Jeonghan’s ears. He feels like he is salivating but at the same time, his throat is drying up. It’s an uncanny feeling and Jeonghan licks his lips to moisten his dry lips. Seungcheol’s eyes  _ follow _ the movement.

“I don’t know. I’ve tried to connect the dots, find out anything that links us in real life but I have nothing.” Jeonghan admits honestly.

He is curious about one thing though. Jeonghan wants to know if the strange feeling that he has for Seungcheol is  _ mutual or not. _ If the other man feels the rush whenever he sees Jeonghan. If he consumes Seungcheol’s thoughts in the latter’s waking hours. 

_ If Seungcheol also wants Jeonghan. _

“Cheollie?”

“Yeah?” Seungcheol looks at him expectantly. Jeonghan thinks that he has to ask now, or he’ll never find the courage to ask again. Here goes nothing.

“I was wonderi–” He can’t finish his sentence. His eyes go wide at the view that weaves behind Seungcheol.

Fire licks up the field of beautiful flowers and draws closer to them. Seungcheol probably sees the same thing behind Jeonghan because he is haphazardly trying to stand up along with him. Panic colours their faces as they try to gauge their next set of actions. Without saying a word, Seungcheol grabs Jeonghan’s hands and starts dragging him in a particular direction.

Jeonghan just blindly follows him, getting pulled by Seungcheol. They keep running and Jeonghan feels the  _ heat _ on his back. The temperature keeps on increasing, indicating that the inferno is getting closer. They only get to stop when they reach a weirdly placed dry patch in the middle of the field. 

The two men practically collapse on the ground as they watch the fire round the patch and proceed further into the distance. The high flames of the inferno surround them as they try to catch their breath. After calming down, Jeonghan realises that their hands are  _ still clasped _ together. He does not try to retract his hand because, at the moment, it feels  _ safe and right.  _

“What the fuck is this?” Jeonghan lets his frustration out. This whole experience was more like a nightmare than a dream because Jeonghan can still feel his heart beating crazily, his lungs burning, and his calf muscles aching from the exertion. Even if all of it isn’t real, the pain feels  _ 100% real. _

“I don’t know.” It’s the  _ only answer _ they both have for each other when one of them tries to voice a question related to their recurring dreams.

Because in the end, they both have no clue why they have these dreams and why there are just two of them. They don’t know if these dreams are some kind of _ blessing or curse. _

They have so many questions and nobody who can give them the right answers. If a sane person heard their situation they would probably advise them to see a professional psychiatrist.

Maybe Jeonghan really has gone mad and all of these dreams are illusions manifested by his dormant part of the brain. 

Nothing is real. 

Most importantly,  _ Seungcheol isn’t real. _

  
  


~~~

  
  


Jeonghan finds himself sitting in a dilapidated theatre, his body sinking into the plush chair as he scrutinises his surroundings. The whole place is bathed in  _ tones of red, _ the ceiling almost collapsing. The stage looks desolate and the scarlet tinged spotlights just enhance its sinister vibes. Instead of trying to explore the place, Jeonghan just stays still. Mostly because he is  _ tired. _

“I have a theory,” Seungcheol speaks up from a few rows in the front. Just like Jeonghan, he also refuses to move and has pushed his chair back, so he can recline comfortably. Jeonghan makes a noise from his throat to let the other man know that he can continue.

“There is some kind of symbolism behind our dreams,” Seungcheol explains.

_ “Symbolism?” _

“Can I ask you something personal?” Seungcheol asks another question instead of clarifying his statement. Jeonghan wonders what incriminating information would Seungcheol try to dig from him. 

“Ask away, Choi Seungcheol.” The other man’s face withers as his eyebrows bunch together and his lips form a pout. For a mere second, Jeonghan wants to pull Seungcheol towards him and  _ kiss _ that pout away. Taste the  _ inherent sweetness _ behind those lips and get the fix for his sugar cravings.

“Hey! Don’t call me by my  _ full name, _ Jeonghan-ah!” He whines and Jeonghan is reminded of the time they were stuck in the desert. A dream that feels so real and solid, almost like a memory of a past he  _ lived in his waking hours. _ Majority of his memories feel hazier in his reminiscence, their symphony  _ echoing _ like a forgotten song. But these dreams stay vivid in his remembrance and Jeonghan can’t seem to forget them. Can’t seem to forget Seungcheol.  _ Daydreams about Seungcheol. _

Jeonghan apologises to Seungcheol and asks him to continue.

“Did you lose some money recently? You know, like spend a lot of it or anything?” Seungcheol looks at him expectantly, his body completely turned towards Jeonghan. The latter thinks that his position must be uncomfortable but doesn’t dare to comment on it much because he  _ basks _ in the attention that Seungcheol provides him.

Here, in this dream, it’s always just the two of them, nobody else to meddle between them. Just two.  _ Jeonghan and Seungcheol. _

“The other day, I had to practically treat my entire department samgyupsal and my bank account incurred heavy damages. Also, I invested a lot of money in this insurance policy yesterday, so I guess you can say I am  _ tight on money _ right now.” Jeonghan confesses. It’s crazy how easily he can disclose such  _ sensitive matters _ related to money to Seungcheol. Any other person and Jeonghan would be trying to evade the topic like a  _ hot escape from the police. _

“So my suspicions were correct. I suffered a great loss on the stock market because all the prices of shares I had invested in dropped. You and I both  _ lost money.” _ Seungcheol admits soberly. 

All Jeonghan got from that was that Seungcheol is a man who buys shares on the stock market. He doesn’t know if he thinks Seungcheol is  _ hot _ for that or  _ stupid _ yet.

“Okay. How is this related to the symbolism in our dreams?” Jeonghan asks. 

Although before the other man opens his mouth to speak, it all  _ clicks _ in his head. It’s like he already knows what Seungcheol will say because it all starts to make sense. And he  _ hates _ it. He’d rather not want these dreams to have any consequence in their real lives. He didn’t ask for any of this.

Jeonghan was happy living a dreamless life, in the  _ optimal state of normalcy. _

“Remember in our last dream, the whole field of saffrons burnt down to the ground? The most expensive spice in the world was destroyed. I just think these dreams are like a  _ warning system  _ for us.” Seungcheol looks spirited explaining his theory. Jeonghan just sinks deeper into his chair. “That dream signified that we were gonna suffer some monetary losses in our lives, and  _ we did!” _

“Seungcheol?” Jeonghan interrupts his animated monologue.

“What?”

“Please, don’t speak about it anymore. I get it.” Jeonghan says in a defeated voice. 

These dreams are an atrocity to his life. They either exhaust him physically or mentally and the remnants of the whole experience linger in real life and follow him to his work in the daytime.

“I don’t want these warnings, Cheol. I don’t want to know the significance behind this  _ shit show.” _ Jeonghan gestures around with his hands. What would the significance of this dream be? Is he going to watch a play in the coming days? Or something deeper like he is going to become a part of some real-life drama? Either way, Jeonghan  _ does not _ want to know.

“All I want to know is how the fuck are we connected? Why just us two?” He also wants to know why he feels this  _ inexplicable attraction _ towards Seungcheol but doesn’t voice it and swallows the words down his throat. 

Like always, Seungcheol doesn’t have the answers, and they both fall in this silent spell where their words move between them as if they are trying to navigate their way through molasses. The air between them feels suffocating and Jeonghan just wants this dream to end fast. 

He closes his eyes and  _ hopes _ that sleep is a real state of mind in these dreams. 

When he finally opens his eyes, he’s lying in his own bed.

  
  


~~~

  
  


Joshua’s face is practically glowing with excitement. Jeonghan, on the other hand, looks like a withered flower. He genuinely would’ve preferred to stay home than sit here at a café, waiting to meet Joshua’s  _ significant other. His new beau. _

Now there are  _ several reasons _ why Jeonghan isn’t too keen to meet this man that has caught Joshua’s attention. For starters and the reason he is willingly throwing over Joshua’s face again and again, he wants to go home. He had a tiring day at work with back to back meetings, and he sincerely wants to just rest until the sun rises the next day. 

The other reason that he brings up a little less frequently is that back in their younger years, Jeonghan was always blamed by Joshua’s exes for their separation so to mitigate this problem, Jeonghan had  _ stopped _ meeting Joshua’s lovers. It was an easy transition and Jeonghan had no problem with it. They had agreed that Jeonghan would only be introduced to Joshua’s boyfriend if the relationship was serious. Jeonghan had only got to meet three such men in the past five years. But Jeonghan thinks this current relationship has only been going on for about a month. Isn’t it  _ too soon _ to call it a serious relationship?

And the last reason that Jeonghan decides to keep to himself is these  _ puzzling feelings _ he is slowly developing for Joshua. Nowadays, Jeonghan looks at Joshua and sees him at  _ age 13, _ a bright and kind boy who wanted to befriend the outcast boy. He also sees Joshua at  _ age 26, _ a handsome and considerate man who knows Jeonghan better than the latter knows himself. 

_ Thirteen years. _ It took Jeonghan thirteen years to figure out the beauty behind the  _ soft slope _ of Joshua’s nose, the magnificent depth behind the  _ big doe eyes _ and the  _ softness _ of those plump lips.  _ Soft. _ Joshua is so soft even if he might be stronger than Jeonghan. That’s the only word he can use to describe Joshua. Since the moment he laid his eyes on the other man, Jeonghan knew that Joshua was  _ soft. _

He has a fair idea of how soft Joshua is, after all, they are physically intimate with each other. But now, Jeonghan has this ravenous craving to want even more from Joshua. As much as the other can give him, maybe _even more._ _His whole being. His whole heart._

“Jeonghan-ah, your face is very discouraging and if you  _ really _ don’t want to do this, then just leave.” Joshua’s words are sharp and cut through Jeonghan like a knife. But even when Joshua is blunt with him, Jeonghan can see the softened edges around him. He loves that Joshua is always real with him, raw and open, no inhibitions. 

“Don’t be like that, Shua. You know, in the end, your happiness is all that matters to me.” Jeonghan embellishes his words and grins in hopes to appease the other man. And just like Jeonghan, Joshua is weak for the other and lets go of his frustrations. 

They both settle back and exchange mundane things until Joshua’s face lights up like a firefly. And Jeonghan knows that it’s time to finally meet the man. 

See here’s the thing. Jeonghan knows that in the past, all of Joshua’s relationships ended because of his existence and the worst thing was, Jeonghan didn’t even proactively chase to end Joshua’s flings. But this time, he probably might. Scratch that,  _ he probably will. _

Joshua gets up from his chair and walks towards the new entrant. Jeonghan turns his body and looks at the other man. 

_ Thunderstorms.  _ He literally hears thunderstorms rumbling in his ears. His breath hitches in his throat as his eyes transfix over the man’s appearance and his body goes lax. The grip over the spoon in his hand loosens and it falls to the ground with a loud shrill voice. 

The waves of the noise echo in the confines of the café and  _ prick _ every single exposed part of Jeonghan's body.  _ Loud. Rowdy.  _

The little bustle catches the couple’s attention, and they both look at Jeonghan with concerned looks on their faces. Joshua’s expression remains the same. The other man, as he locks his gaze with Jeonghan,  _ loses it. _ Colour drains from his face as his expression starts to replicate Jeonghan’s. A loud voice starts to ring like a mantra inside Jeonghan’s head.

_ Seungcheol exists in reality.  _

“Hannie! This is Seungcheol and Cheollie, Jeonghan.” Joshua points towards them both with his hand with a jovial smile on his face. Unfortunately, both Jeonghan and Seungcheol can’t muster any positive emotions on their face. 

Seungcheol is the  _ same _ as in the dream. Same black hair with same plump lips. He even has the same big and dark eyes sans ash grey streaks. It’s  _ his Seungcheol. _ But in real life, he’s  _ Joshua’s Seungcheol _ and everything around Jeonghan starts to crumble. The whole facade  _ cracks _ and breaks into millions of glass shards, the shrill voice amplified in the limited space. 

“Do you guys know each other?” Joshua asks while stuttering and switching his gaze from one man to another carefully. 

Jeonghan tries to come back to his  _ fucked up reality. _

“No. It’s my first time meeting him.” Jeonghan admits the truth because,  _ in all technicalities, _ they are meeting for the first time. 

“Same.” Seungcheol manages with a broken voice. He coughs to clear his throat and takes a few steps towards Jeonghan while extending his hands. 

The pull is subdued in reality, unlike the dreams where the attraction is a  _ strong force _ constantly sizzling between them. Yet Jeonghan reaches for his hand automatically.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Choi Seungcheol.” Jeonghan knows but tries to smile and nod his head like it’s his  _ first time _ hearing the name. All this time, Joshua never mentioned the name and Jeonghan wasn’t ever eager to find out either. Now he thinks  _ he should’ve. _

“Yoon Jeonghan. Please, join us. I’ve heard a lot about you.” It’s simpler to pretend once Jeonghan gathers his bearings. The lies come easily to him like a second skin, and he’s able to control his expressions. 

“Oh? I hope only good things.” Seungcheol replies with a wide grin while scratching his jaw. He looks nervous and it’s clear to Jeonghan that Seungcheol is  _ terrible _ at faking things. It’s a good thing that their situation warrants nervous behaviour from him. 

Before Jeonghan can reply, Joshua pulls Seungcheol and makes him sit next to him on the double sofa while Jeonghan sits opposite them. 

For some unknown reason, Jeonghan wants to believe that  _ this _ is all a dream. None of it is real and all of it is happening inside his mind. He tries to eat the strawberry shortcake but it tastes like sand in his mouth and the bread’s texture feels like rubber. He still forces himself to eat the  _ damn thing _ with a smile on his face. 

Joshua and Seungcheol fill Jeonghan in on their  _ magical story. _ Well, Joshua does and Seungcheol just nods along, trying to shoot devout smiles towards Joshua while he steals uneasy glances at Jeonghan. Their beautiful union goes inside Jeonghan’s one ear and out the other. 

Jeonghan sits there and witnesses the two lovebirds exhibit their romance carefreely and feels like slamming his head on the table.  _ Jealousy _ has always been a weird emotion among humans. The feeling of wanting someone else all to yourself when you know it’s out of your hand. It’s a  _ diseased bird _ who bites the heart and infects it with ugly sentiments. 

Jeonghan is jealous. But what is uniquely baffling is that he isn’t jealous of either Seungcheol here or Joshua. He is jealous of them both. He wants to sit in place of Seungcheol, and he wants to sit in place of Joshua. 

The sudden realisation hits him like a freight train. 

_ Jeonghan wants Seungcheol.  _

_ Jeonghan wants Joshua.  _

_ He wants them both.  _

“I think I’ll give you two some privacy and take an early leave,” Jeonghan announces unceremoniously and flings himself from the sofa, throwing a couple ten thousand won bills on the table. 

He hears his name in a  _ sweet voice. _ He hears his name in a  _ deep voice. _

Jeonghan blocks everything out and runs till he feels the burn in his thighs.

  
  


~~~

  
  


_ Mirrors. _ Jeonghan finds himself in the labyrinth of mirrors. The mirrors are a gateway to the truth. Jeonghan can bitterly accept that these dreams do have symbolism. He wonders what great revelation he will uncover in real life now. 

He sees his face reflected in infinite glasses and observes quietly. Blessed with flawless and glowing skin, Jeonghan’s face is  _ conventionally handsome. _ His  _ dark almond eyes _ complement his  _ bow-shaped lips. _ He runs his fingers through his blond hair and notices Seungcheol standing behind him. 

He doesn’t know if he should go on a rampage and  _ repudiate _ Seungcheol or weep until all his tears are used up and  _ accept _ Seungcheol. 

“I finally understand how we are connected.” Jeonghan grits through his teeth, trying to rein in his emotions.

_ “Joshua.” _ Seungcheol finishes. 

A single word, single man, single entity. It explains their  _ beginning _ and holds the answers to their  _ ending. _

“We started dreaming the day you met Shua.” Jeonghan propounds. 

Joshua is what connects them.  _ It’s a cycle. _ Jeonghan and Joshua are  _ best friends. _ Joshua and Seungcheol are  _ boyfriends. _ Seungcheol and Jeonghan are, well,  _ dream buddies. _

“But even if Joshua is the connection between us, it still does not answer why we started to have these dreams together.” Seungcheol raises his voice, moving his hands out of frustration. 

It doesn't. But Jeonghan thinks it does explain something very  _ monumental. _ Something that he couldn’t understand before —  _ his feelings for Seungcheol. _ Jeonghan believes that Joshua’s feelings for Seungcheol have somehow bled into his conscience which makes him want to bring  _ the stars and the sun _ to the mortal realm for the black-haired man. And maybe Seungcheol's feelings for Joshua have also somehow percolated into his being because he has started to feel so much more for Joshua after he started having dreams. The feeling of wanting to  _ bypass the line of friendship. _

_ Vines. _ The emotions of three men have started to tangle with each other like vines, slowly coiling into a single vine and extending its roots. It has started to entangle itself around the men’s necks and a little more, and Jeonghan thinks they’ll easily be  _ strangled _ by them in the near future. 

“We have to find a way to stop it. Let’s do some research. Read about dreams and spiritual bonds, I don’t know,  _ something.” _ Jeonghan suggests as he moves around the maze. All his other reflections move around as well, some  _ mirroring his moves, _ some  _ moving independently. _

Jeonghan does not even have the energy in him to panic over the terrifying scene. 

“Jeonghan?” 

“Yeah?” Jeonghan turns around to face Seungcheol who looks at him thoughtfully. 

“Your eyes. I noticed that they are dark in reality. But here in our dreams, they glow like  _ ambers _ under certain lights.” Seungcheol informs him while staring at him with an  _ unusually intense _ look _.  _ There seems to be some kind of weight in his body language but Jeonghan wants to stay daft to the allure between them.

Jeonghan loves Joshua and does not want to ever betray him. He’ll swallow his own needs and pride for the  _ sake _ of the other man. 

Joshua connects Seungcheol and Jeonghan. But what is the significance of their connection? Why didn’t they ever dream before all this? 

Jeonghan has so many questions in his mind. He wonders if it’s the doing of a  _ power beyond this world; _ if their lives were connected before they even  _ took a step in this world. _

In this grand scheme of the universe, Jeonghan is like a speck of dust that dances in the light, minute and insignificant. Yet he walks with a purpose in this life that was designed by his fate. 

There is a spirit so  _ majestic _ that even the vast oceans cannot contain it. It resides in the  _ essence _ of every human stain. 

Jeonghan had been waiting for love all his life, lost in some innocent trance. Now he realises, even when he was fighting a war against the world, two men were already  _ living _ in his heart and giving him the  _ strength _ to survive.

  
  


~~~

  
  


Jeonghan hears the piercing sound of his room’s door opening from under the covers. 

“Hannie? Are you sleeping?” Joshua asks from the little gap between the barely opened door.

Jeonghan wishes he was sleeping. But he’s been actively trying to  _ avoid _ sleep as much as he can because he does not want to meet Seungcheol in his dreams and then fall into the rabbit hole of constantly desiring him. His cravings are getting  _ out of hand, _ and he can’t control them anymore. Madness has started taking control over Jeonghan’s life.

Just as he discussed with Seungcheol in the dream, he has been doing his research over this whole  _ dream business _ and coming up with very impenetrable blogs and accounts. Jeonghan reads the words in Korean but it might as well be written in some other language because it’s so  _ hard _ to decipher the meaning of those intricate words. 

In conclusion, Jeonghan doesn’t understand anything.  _ He’s clueless. _

Because of their scandalous circumstances, Jeonghan finally has a way to contact Seungcheol in real life, and he’s updated about the fact that the other man doesn’t understand anything either. 

Seungcheol says he hates lying to Joshua about such an  _ integral _ part of his life. Jeonghan can’t sympathise when he has lied to Joshua about his inability to have dreams for so long.

“No, I’m awake. Is something wrong?” Jeonghan asks as he removes the cover from over his head to look at the other man. 

“No, I just– can we talk?” Joshua asks as he crosses the room and settles beside Jeonghan on his bed. Jeonghan decides to mimic his position by sitting against the headboard.

“Sure! What’s up?”

“You have been looking very down lately,” Joshua comments while in deep thought. “I mean, it’s been going on for  _ too long, _ that’s why I thought I should ask. Are you okay?” Joshua asks as he places a comforting hand on Jeonghan’s shoulder. The warmth seeps in and Jeonghan feels something  _ twisting _ inside his stomach. He wants to pull the hand on his shoulder and bury himself in Joshua’s body. Be small under his grace,  _ insignificant _ to the world but  _ everything _ to Joshua. 

“Yeah, it’s just workload has been killing me but nothing major, Shua.” Jeonghan lies like the liar he’s always been. Lie like a rug.

“Are you sure?” Joshua implores with his penetrating big eyes. For a moment, Jeonghan melts and thinks of coming clean. The concern Joshua has for him is heartwarming, and he turns malleable like a putty under Joshua’s gaze which seems to look through him. It’s  _ relaxing. Calming. Homely.  _

Jeonghan wonders just how madly Seungcheol is in love with Joshua because these emotions have to be  _ his. _ It’s not how Jeonghan feels. It can’t be possible.

“Trust me.”  _ Don’t. _

Joshua still looks at Jeonghan worriedly but reluctantly drops the matter and retracts his hand. Jeonghan  _ pines _ for the warmth. 

For a few minutes, they both let silence engulf them. It’s comfortable and Jeonghan is just satisfied with the presence of the other man. 

“You know, I’m really serious about this relationship with Seungcheol,” Joshua confesses and Jeonghan feels like the former is stabbing his heart with a honed knife.  _ It hurts so bad. _ “I’m just so crazy about him. He’s just so funny and adorable. And then, there are times when he’ll try to be all strong and manly. Every day I learn something new about him and fall for him  _ harder and harder.” _

Joshua narrates about Seungcheol excitedly and Jeonghan tries his best to sustain a smile on his face. It’s just that he  _ agrees _ with everything that Joshua says but at the same time wants to  _ deny _ that it’s all real. And then, after what seems like an eternity, Joshua reveals something very shocking. Something Jeonghan would never imagine. Something so  _ out of the blue _ that Jeonghan feels the ground beneath him start to crumble. 

“I’ve been keeping a  _ secret _ from you, Jeonghan.” 

“Secret?” Jeonghan’s interests are piqued. Joshua hesitates with an uneasy smile, but then he takes a deep breath and finally speaks.

“Okay, don’t freak out!” Joshua warns. “I’ve  _ always _ kind of had  _ feelings for you.” _

The ground starts to shake.

“I just– I came out to you in the pretence of a  _ half-assed confession. _ I was hoping that you’ll act on my unsaid words but you didn’t seem much bothered by it. I realised that you weren’t interested, so I went back to my house and cried vehemently all night. I guess I was a fool hoping my best friend would love me back like that. Still, I didn’t want to lose you, so I buried my feelings.”

The floor starts to fall in. For a moment, Jeonghan  _ wonders _ if all of it is just a dream. 

Joshua had feelings for him. Joshua wanted him.  _ Past tense. _ Does he still?

“Josh–”

“No!” Joshua interrupts him. “Don’t feel guilty about it. It wasn’t your fault. I was the coward who couldn’t properly confess his feelings.” He finishes his last sentence with almost a whisper.

Jeonghan doesn’t understand why, but he needs to know.

“Joshua? Do you perhaps still–” Jeonghan can’t finish his sentence. Can’t even voice the words without sounding pompous. Doesn’t want to break something that he thought could never be broken. 

“It doesn’t matter. I have Seungcheol now, and I am very serious about him.” Joshua replies while looking down at his lap, unable to make eye contact with Jeonghan.

Jeonghan learns a devastating truth in just a  _ few words, _ the weight behind each word carrying colossal importance. He concludes that he  _ hates the symbolism aspect _ of his dreams. 

Jeonghan feels a sensation of whirling inside his head and starts to fall  _ down, down, down. _

  
  


~~~

  
  


The air feels different in tonight’s dream. He’s in a large room, the walls painted in a deep vermilion colour. Chaise lounges are scattered around everywhere and the room is lit by lanterns and candles, the dim warm tones giving it somewhat a  _ sensual _ vibe. And mysterious mist flows in the room, probably spreading the almost  _ carnal _ aroma in the room. But Jeonghan hasn’t even got to the  _ weirdest _ part yet.

For the first time ever, there are people in this dream. He isn’t even sure if they could be categorised as  _ humans _ though. All of them look ethereal,  _ too alien. _ The strangest and probably the most disturbing detail he notices is that all the people in this dream are naked and having a  _ full-blown orgy.  _

Jeonghan watches inches and inches of skin move against each other and instead of feeling mortified at the scene, the headiness in the air keeps him  _ calm, _ almost stoic with regard to his surroundings. 

“What the fuck is this?” Seungcheol asks from beside him, the panic evident on his face. Jeonghan didn’t even notice the presence of the other man, he is so out of it.

Instead of replying, Jeonghan locates an empty chaise lounge in the room and starts walking towards it. He ungraciously falls on it and closes his eyes because he is getting  _ overwhelmed _ with the visuals. 

_ Lust. _ The symbolism behind this dream is that he’s going to have sex. Well, at least he has something to mildly  _ look forward _ to now. 

“Jeonghan.” There is breathiness in Seungcheol’s voice to a certain extent. Jeonghan is hardly fazed by it and without thinking much of it, he opens his eyes to find the other man standing on top of him. 

Dark eyes with streaks of ash grey are fixed on him intently. Jeonghan takes his time in admiring the minute details on the other man’s face. His long lashes. The moles on his neck, beside his left eye. Jeonghan’s breathing slowly starts to get irregular as his eyes fall on Seungcheol’s lips. Lips that seem to perpetually be doused in strawberry jam.

_ Jeonghan loves strawberries. _

Jeonghan  _ wants _ to taste. Jeonghan  _ needs _ to taste. 

“Seungcheol.” The name slips off his tongue like nectar,  _ sugar-rich and aromatic _ . And like a pollinating animal, Seungcheol comes closer and closer until he plants his knee between Jeonghan’s legs and brackets Jeonghan’s face with his arms. 

Future Jeonghan’s rational mind will  _ blame _ the intoxicating air. But at the moment, he can’t seem to care.

In such proximity, Seungcheol’s eyes look completely grey and intense. Their breaths fan each other’s face and Seungcheol’s eyelashes flutter like a majestic butterfly. Jeonghan lets out a broken whimper at the sight which apparently wakes up an animal inside Seungcheol because the next thing Jeonghan can understand is that their lips are touching, and he can’t keep his eyes open anymore. 

The press of the lips is rough.  _ Hungry. Desperate. _ Jeonghan is taken aback by the force and opens his mouth to fill his lungs with air. Instead, Seungcheol floods inside him and fills him with his  _ essence. _

Jeonghan tastes something  _ sweet and better _ than strawberries. He licks and sucks harder to taste better and etch the taste in his heart. Then and there, he decides that he  _ never _ wants to part away from this kiss. Seungcheol completely climbs over him and starts roaming his hands around Jeonghan’s body — waist, sides, arms, neck, hips. Jeonghan feels blanketed by his weight and wraps his legs around Seungcheol’s waist, pulling him  _ closer and closer,  _ the magnetic pull between them at its  _ strongest potency. _

They kiss and kiss like this is their  _ only solace, _ their  _ only solution _ to find the hidden answers from the depths of the universe. They kiss like the only purpose they have in their lives is to tangle their tongues together and  _ mark _ their territories inside each other with the crosses of fire.

Jeonghan immerses himself to the sugary sweet taste of Seungcheol and loses track of time and space.

_ Loses track of the dream. _

_ Loses track of his senses and morality. _

  
  


~~~

  
  


Jeonghan wakes up with regret and guilt  _ submerging _ his conscience. He touches his lips out of reflex and feels nothing. Nothing is swollen or bitten or chapped.  _ Nothing happened in actuality.  _

It all happened in a dream. A place where Jeonghan and Seungcheol both have the semblance of their subconscious that is in charge of the resources stored in the unconscious mind. In simple words, it could’ve been completely avoided if Jeonghan and Seungcheol could control their feelings.  _ They could’ve. _ Jeonghan vividly remembers he could’ve. But  _ he didn’t. _ He let things unwrap on its own and let his desires manifest. All because he wanted to know how Seungcheol tasted. 

In his dreams, the taste lingering in his mouth was sweet and addicting. Currently, in reality, the taste forming in his mouth is sour and the  _ need _ to spit the truth in front of Joshua is fierce. 

Without thinking much of it, Jeonghan throws a sweatshirt over his sleep shirt, grabs his phone and keys and walks out his room towards the foyer. He wears the first shoes he spots at the door and flees out of his apartment that he shares with Joshua. 

It’s early and Jeonghan can’t be bothered with finding a taxi. He runs towards the metro station and by the time he reaches the platform, he watches the train almost leaving. Without thinking twice, he runs with all his might and just makes it in time, the doors of the train shutting with a muted thud behind him. 

Jeonghan sits in the train with the whole dream replaying in his head again and again. He feels like he’s sitting in a  _ vacuum box, _ suffocating and desperately hoping for some kind of air to help him breathe. The  _ vines _ have finally tightened its grip and strangled them all. 

Once the train reaches Jung-gu, Jeonghan starts running again. He calls Seungcheol. The latter picks it at the first ring.

“Jeongh–”

“Your address, Seungcheol. Where the  _ fuck _ do you live?” Jeonghan growls into the phone. He isn’t in the mood to have a conversation with Seungcheol in the middle of the street because he  _ knows _ he’ll break in front of hundreds of strangers. 

Seungcheol gets the memo and asks where Jeonghan is. He curtly guides Jeonghan down a few streets and the latter finally reaches the apartment building in which Seungcheol lives. 

Jeonghan should be going to his work but this matter seems of far greater importance than his job that provides him means to buy bread. 

Jeonghan doesn’t even need to ring the bell because Seungcheol is waiting there, fear and guilt spoiling his beautiful face.  _ That damned beautiful face.  _

“Jeong–”

Jeonghan doesn’t let Seungcheol speak again and pushes the man inside his apartment, closing the door behind him. He haphazardly removes his shoes and walks a bit further into the apartment, away from the main door and ears of unwanted witnesses. Seungcheol follows him.

“Jeong–”

“You and I  _ cheated _ on Joshua! Seungcheol there is no  _ fucking _ excuse here!” Jeonghan yells, finally letting out all the rage that was simmering inside him like the lava inside a volcano. 

“You don’t need to put it in words, Jeonghan! I was there!  _ I remember!” _ Seungcheol raises his voice as well, matching Jeonghan’s volume. 

Jeonghan should’ve seen this coming from a mile away. Their connected dreams, his unfavourable attraction towards Seungcheol, their peculiar dreams. This was  _ bound to happen.  _

Maybe he should have informed Joshua about their shared dreams much earlier. The knowledge that Joshua knows might have regulated their actions. 

Now they are suffering the consequences of their dreams in reality because human morality can’t be extinguished. 

“We need to tell Joshua.” Jeonghan expresses gravely. Seungcheol, whose face was already ashen, loses more colour as his eyes go wide in panic. 

“No!” He shakes his head vehemently. “Jeonghan don't.  _ I love Joshua. _ I can’t lose him.” Tears are running down Seungcheol’s face now. 

_ Everything hurts. _ The words coming out of Seungcheol’s mouth hurts. The look on his face hurts. The truth that he betrayed Joshua hurts the most. 

“You’ve known him for a few months and are now claiming you love him? I have known Joshua for more than half of my life! You can’t even  _ fathom _ the love I have for him.” Jeonghan yells, feeling the tears wet his cheeks as well. 

“Please, I love Joshua.” Seungcheol pleads.

“Seungcheol, we kissed. I’m sure we both didn’t want it to happen but it happened. Now we need to own up to our mistakes. And tell Joshua the truth of what connects us isn’t just him but our  _ strange and fucked up _ dreams.” Jeonghan says with a surprisingly stable voice, although the volume of the voice is barely audible. 

“Besides, how can you expect me to  _ forget _ that we kissed?” Jeonghan asks while whispering hoping Seungcheol can’t hear. 

Jeonghan is looking at the floor when he imagines Seungcheol whispering back,  _ “I don’t want you to forget.” _

  
  


~~~

  
  


Making mistakes is what makes humans. It’s natural because perfection is something that can never be achieved. But the main thing is that people  _ learn _ from their mistakes and become at least a better,  _ if not the best, _ human being. Jeonghan wonders what lessons he can learn from infidelity. 

All he really wants to do is kneel in front of Joshua and beg for forgiveness. He wants a lot more,  _ god knows he does, _ but for now, just the assurance that he can be a part of Joshua’s life is enough. 

“So.” Joshua finally breaks the deafening silence after Jeonghan and Seungcheol come clean. “You both share dreams?” Joshua pauses after every word, hardly believing the reality behind the situation. 

“Yes. We’ve been having these dreams for three months. Ever since the day you met Seungcheol.” Jeonghan replies promptly. Seungcheol seems out of it, just sitting on the sofa speechlessly while he silently sheds tears from his eyes. 

“And you both kissed each other recently in the dream?” 

“Yes. It was really fucked up and I have no explanation for it, but we both didn’t mean it. Please, Joshua. I’m so sorry. I’ll do  _ anything _ you want me to. Just,  _ please!” _ Jeonghan pleads while scrambling towards Joshua’s feet. He can’t see clearly, everything  _ blurring _ because of the tears in his eyes. 

Joshua’s brown pants are getting drenched with Jeonghan’s tears but the latter can’t comprehend the situation anymore, clinging to Joshua’s legs as a baby clings to their mother. Jeonghan wants his life to  _ begin and end here _ with Joshua.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Joshua directs his question towards Seungcheol, his voice still collected and cool. 

The silence persists, each second amounting to a pending doom. The sun starts to set in blue and Jeonghan wonders how they can move on from all this. 

“Just want to be  _ yours, _ Shua.” Seungcheol finally says in broken sobs. Jeonghan feels the animal inside his stomach  _ growling. _

Joshua inhales loudly, the sound of air passing through his nostrils loud in Jeonghan’s apartment. Jeonghan thinks that after this, Joshua will probably move out. The regret is just the  _ tip _ of the iceberg. 

“So you want me to  _ believe _ that you kissed but it all happened in a dream? It didn’t happen in reality? And all this isn’t some elaborate story you both are weaving to fool me?” Joshua asks carefully.

“We aren’t lying.” Surprisingly, it’s Seungcheol who answers this time, seeing how only Jeonghan has been speaking and apologising all this time. 

“Okay, but I can’t believe this. It all sounds like complete  _ horse shit. _ Like if you cheat on me in dreams, that’s understandable but  _ sharing a dream? _ I’m not crazy enough to believe such stupid lies!” Joshua screams, his voice pricking Jeonghan like needles. 

“Haven’t you been asking me lately what’s wrong? It’s the  _ dreams! _ They are what’s bothering me. We aren’t lying! Just– I know it sounds ridiculous, but  _ trust us!” _ Jeonghan screams back, raising his head to look at Joshua’s stoic face. 

“Fine. Prove it. You share dreams, right?  _ Prove it to me.”  _ Joshua urges calmly. 

Jeonghan looks at Seungcheol whose eyes are bloodshot from crying for so long. God, they both have been crying since morning. Their situation is completely  _ laughable _ , everything  _ wrong.  _

“Fine. I’ll sleep here tonight. And in the morning, you can ask us separately what we dreamed about. If it matches, then you'll have your proof.” Seungcheol gives in to Joshua’s demand. 

After that, both Jeonghan and Seungcheol watch Joshua wordlessly leave them in the living room and lock himself in the bedroom. 

Jeonghan knows that the disaster hasn’t ended, and they have to prepare themselves for the  _ aftershocks.  _

Seungcheol sleeps on the sofa while Jeonghan sleeps in his own room. At least gives sleep  _ a try.  _ Jeonghan knows he stayed awake for a few hours after midnight, tossing and turning relentlessly, his heart feeling uneasy. It feels like it’ll crack into eggshells at any moment. 

_ Joshua. Seungcheol.  _ Jeonghan can’t even imagine what sunrise will bring to him.

  
  


~~~

  
  


“Wake up.” 

Jeonghan slowly opens his eyes to Joshua sitting on the edge of his bed. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes as he sits upright. Joshua looks at him expectantly, clearly in no mood to play games anymore. Jeonghan takes a huge gulp.

“We were on a hill with sakura flowers raining from the sky while there was a perpetual sunrise,” Jeonghan informs him. “I kept ignoring him.” He adds further, hoping that will  _ mitigate _ their problems. 

Joshua walks out of his room without saying another word and Jeonghan runs after him. Seungcheol looks a little more composed, sitting on the sofa with his hands in his lap. Joshua goes to the kitchen and finishes his coffee kept on the counter. 

_ It’s quiet. _ No words are exchanged between anybody. Jeonghan thinks it’s better if he begins his morning routine instead of waiting around for a sign. He also needs to contact his work and do some damage control. It doesn’t matter if it’s the weekend, and he’s not obliged to go to the office today. 

An hour goes by in  _ seconds _ and at the same time, an hour goes by in  _ hours. _ He moves his limbs and does the work but it’s all muscle memory aiding his tasks. He can’t remember simple things like brushing his teeth, can’t remember doing that. The only proof he has is the minty freshness in his breath. 

In all essence, Jeonghan is  _ shutting down _ his emotions because it’ll be easier to accept the  _ imminent heartbreak and rejection _ if his mind and heart are already numb, to begin with. 

Jeonghan finally gathers some courage to walk out of his room to find Joshua and Seungcheol speaking to each other in whispers. The moment they see Jeonghan, they stop talking. 

It feels weird to be the third wheel,  _ an outsider. _ It rubs at a very tender spot in Jeonghan’s chest that leaves behind small gashes that can’t be seen by others and  _ hurt more _ than a real injury. 

“Jeonghan-ah? Seungcheol just told me he loves me.” Joshua informs him in a chirpy voice. Jeonghan knows that it’s the fake, cheery voice Joshua uses to  _ deceive _ people. 

“And the best part is I believe him. I believe him when he says he loves me because I love him back.” Joshua confesses and Jeonghan doesn’t know if he should take him seriously or not because of his amused tone. 

“I have an idea,” Joshua says calmly. “You and I have kissed.” He points towards Seungcheol. “You and Jeonghan have kissed. It’s only  _ fair _ I get to kiss Jeonghan now.” 

“What?” Seungcheol exclaims loudly. 

“Joshua!” Jeonghan isn’t going to appreciate it much if Joshua has somehow decided to joke about their situation. 

Joshua patiently runs his hands over Seungcheol’s thighs and smiles like an angel. If Jeonghan is being  _ honest _ with himself, he wants to kiss Joshua. Wants to know if he tastes sweeter than Seungcheol or not.  _ Wants, wants, wants.  _

He stills his heart that wants to fly towards Joshua and Seungcheol.

“What? So it’s okay to believe that you both share dreams but it’s not okay for you two to believe that I might be  _ madly in love _ with you both?” Joshua asks hysterically, his face flushing and turning a bright red. He looks beautiful like this. Too  _ unreal and precious. _

And this is where Jeonghan remembers their late-night conversation where Joshua admitted that he’s always had feelings for Jeonghan. The latter didn’t want to assume anything and tried to forget the conversation. But now, he thinks he should think about it more and probably assume that Joshua still has  _ lingering feelings _ attached to him.

People never really forget  _ their first love, _ after all.

“Shua, please.” Jeonghan doesn’t know what he is pleading for. Does he want Joshua to stop babbling or speak the words he desperately wanna hear?

Joshua gets up from his place and strides towards Jeonghan. He grips Jeonghan’s arms in a vice grip and pulls the latter towards his room. Once they both enter, Joshua locks the door behind him and pins Jeonghan to the door. 

Jeonghan looks at him with wide eyes. The morning sun filters in through the curtains and  _ kisses _ Joshua in the most ethereal way possible. His brown hair looks  _ golden _ in this light and Jeonghan thinks that Joshua looks  _ godly and mortal _ at the same time, contradicting features that seem to work in harmony. Joshua’s petal-like, plump lips look  _ kissable _ and Jeonghan craves to feel the softness against his lips. His eyes move towards Joshua’s eyes, and he catches the other man staring down Jeonghan’s lips with an intent look, his eyes  _ dark with desire. _

“Jeonghan-ah?  _ Please, _ let me kiss you.” Joshua almost sounds like he is begging and Jeonghan’s heart sinks  _ deeper _ in his chest. 

“Joshua, you’re not thinking straight!” 

“I am! I talked to Seungcheol and he confessed  _ everything. _ He said that your feelings have somehow meshed together with his because of the bond you share. He thinks I’m the  _ provenance _ of your dreams. And it’s  _ my feelings _ that flow between you two.” Joshua informs Jeonghan. 

_ Words. _ Sometimes they can  _ solve _ the biggest of mysteries on this planet. And sometimes, even when spoken in your mother tongue, they are so hard to  _ comprehend. _ He hears the words, and they don’t make any sense because they have no logical explanation, no scientific foundation behind them. 

“I don’t understand.” Jeonghan simply murmurs.

“Hannie, Seungcheol loves you because I love you. And he’s pretty sure that you love him because I love him.” Joshua says as he runs his palms over Jeonghan’s arms, crowding his face closer to Jeonghan’s. The latter feels the searing touch and  _ yearns _ for more. It’s comforting. 

_ Love. Love. Love.  _

Add one to one which gives two and adding another one which becomes a three. It’s  _ simple maths. _ And this love has the potential of becoming a love so  _ great and sacred, _ that it makes them confront the feelings of jealousy and insecurity.  _ The darkness within.  _ It’s wholesome. It’s lovable. 

Besides, Joshua has always accepted Jeonghan with open arms even after knowing about all of his faults. Even now, Joshua knows that there are these strange dreams he shares with Seungcheol but instead of running away as any other human would, Joshua wants to kiss him. He wants to love Jeonghan in the very same way the latter has  _ craved _ for so long. Jeonghan doesn’t deserve the  _ kindness _ of the other man, he knows that, but he will take it because he knows that he deserves at least some kindness after all the atrocities he’s been through. 

Jeonghan feels the heat of Joshua’s lips over him as the other man stands so close to him. He feels a bit bold with Joshua’s admission and brings his fingers up to the other’s face and strokes it gently. He starts with the end of the eyebrows down the sharp and soft cheeks, tracing his path down to the lips and feels the  _ softness _ on the pad of his fingers. Joshua’s brows bunch together as he lets out a broken moan and Jeonghan loses it. He doesn’t think twice before replacing his own fingers with his lips. 

_ Soft. _

Their noses collide with each other as they gingerly press their lips against each other. Jeonghan has known Joshua for so long, and he never could have worked out that Joshua will not only taste  _ sensually sweet _ but also  _ homely. _

Joshua slots their lips together and opens his mouth, sucking Jeonghan’s upper lips in his own. Jeonghan whines into the kiss and Joshua takes the opportunity to probe his tongue in. The  _ convergence _ of their tongues feels natural and Jeonghan wants to  _ imprint _ the feel of this and find all there is to find in this universe. Jeonghan’s hands get restless and start to wander down Joshua’s body, caressing and squeezing, making sure the body in his arms is  _ real and warm. _

“I’ve wanted you forever. You feel so good, Hannie.  _ So right.” _ Joshua mumbles in between their kisses. 

Jeonghan realises that there is a stark difference between kissing Joshua and kissing Seungcheol. Maybe the biggest one of them all is the difference between their world being in a  _ dream and reality. _ But Jeonghan can easily imagine Seungcheol in between them, the three men alternating kisses, licking necks, tasting salt on the skin and thirsting for more. He imagines Joshua kissing Seungcheol and his dick starts to twitch from the sheer amount of giddiness he gets in his guts. He wants it. He wants them  _ both. _

“Shua?” 

“Hmm?”

“Do you want–” Jeonghan tries to form coherent sentences but Joshua starts to suck on his neck, and he’s only left into a moaning mess.

“Want to invite Seungcheol?” Joshua finishes for him. And Jeonghan freezes with the suggestion because he realises he wanted to say the same thing. But is it right? 

_ Can they? _

“Shua, can we really do this?” 

“Do you want to be with Seungcheol?” Joshua asks instead. Every single cell in his body screams  _ yes. _ He wants to say yes. 

“I want you before I want him. Still, I want you both. Am I being selfish?” Jeonghan asks as a tear escapes his eyes. Joshua leans back a bit and cup’s Jeonghan’s face. The latter feels toasty heat bleed into his skin like water down the substratum.

“No. It’s complicated.  _ Our situation _ is complicated. We probably need to understand this dream business. But one thing is for sure, that our feelings are  _ intertwined _ with each other and it is completely selfless to want something between us three.” 

_ Selfless. Feelings intertwined. Three hearts. One love. Complete cycle. _

The river of Jeonghan’s love starts to flow into Joshua and Seungcheol. And it finds its end at their feet. 

“Let’s call Seungcheol in,” Jeonghan suggests with a huge smile on his face. 

Joshua’s face lights up like a beautiful firefly.

  
  


~~~

  
  


A week ago, Jeonghan was single and pining for not one but two men. And now, the three men are trying to figure out their complex feelings for each other.  _ Together.  _

Joshua was always meant to walk in Jeonghan’s life and Seungcheol’s life, the two men who couldn’t dream before. And his existence is what instigated the shared dreams between the two. It was all a part of  _ God’s will. _

In the middle of the week, Jeonghan had lightly joked about sleeping together. He didn’t really mean anything by his words and just wanted to tease the other two, but then he saw their eyes darken with lust and this is how Jeonghan finds himself kissing Seungcheol on the edge of the bed as Joshua watches them two with heavy breaths. 

Kissing Seungcheol isn’t the same as kissing him in the dreams. It’s more human, more intimate, less magical compared to dreamland. Seungcheol doesn’t taste better than strawberries but Jeonghan still feels the  _ honey _ trickle down his throat, and he’s addicted to this, thinks he can do this  _ all the time.  _

Jeonghan runs his fingers through Seungcheol’s silky black hair while the latter plays with the hem of Jeonghan’s shirt and sneaks his hands underneath. Jeonghan is sure the searing touch will leave imprints on his body that he’ll want to wear like a tattoo.  _ Branded by his lovers. _

“God, I never knew watching two men kissing will turn me on so much,” Joshua comments breathlessly from the side. 

This whole sex thing is new territory for all of them like uncharted waters and there is  _ so much _ to learn about each other. At the moment, Jeonghan can see that Seungcheol is immersed in his lustful senses because his touch is  _ magical _ and his tongue is  _ intoxicating. _ Seungcheol is trying to be in control. Here’s the thing, Jeonghan loves this side of Seungcheol but in usual circumstances, he likes to be in charge, likes to  _ domineer in bedroom sports.  _

Seungcheol tries to pull Jeonghan’s shirt but the latter pushes him on the bed and climbs over his lap. Jeonghan stares at him with hooded eyes, eats up Seungcheol’s shocked face and rosy cheeks and practically tears off Seungcheol’s shirt from his body.

“Jeonghan, my shirt!” Seungcheol weakly protests as Jeonghan reveals Seungcheol’s pale and muscular torso. The lines look so defined and deep like  _ deep clefts between cliffs _ and Jeonghan bends down to leave a trail in between them with his tongue and watches Seungcheol squirm beneath him breathlessly with pleasure. 

“Oh, Cheollie, don’t resist! Hannie always likes to be in control. It is said that the emotion for aggression and sex is usually similar. When we were kids, he always won our play fights. Little did he know, I  _ always _ let him win.” Joshua says with a cheeky expression on his face as he lies down sideways beside the two men and rests his head on his palm.

“Yeah? Is that right?” Jeonghan asks Joshua while mumbling into Seungcheol’s skin making the latter moan loudly from the vibrations it leaves on his skin. 

“Yeah. I love it when you manhandle me and push me around.” Joshua replies brazenly. Jeonghan goes feral as he starts to  _ realise _ Joshua’s kinks. The man likes to be subjugated. Jeonghan stops his ministrations over Seungcheol and starts to crawl towards Joshua. The latter’s eyes go dark as he gauges Jeonghan’s moves.

“Tell me, Shua. You say that you’ve wanted me for so long. Did you always imagine me when you let  _ other men _ touch you?” Jeonghan asks as he pulls Joshua up with his arms and makes him kneel. 

“Always did. Always  _ wanted you _ in place of those men.” Joshua rasps as Jeonghan slides the shirt off Joshua’s shoulders and runs the pad of his fingers lightly over Joshua’s soft skin. He’s so soft. Jeonghan wants to spend hours just worshipping Joshua’s soft body and thanking all the heavens for creating him and bringing him to Jeonghan. 

“Say, Joshua. Did you also fantasise about me while Cheol fucked you? Wanted me in his place?” Jeonghan asks in a lilting voice as he cups Joshua’s dick over his pants. He feels the other man’s dick getting harder as he brings Seungcheol into the conversation. At the same time, Seungcheol wraps his body behind Jeonghan and starts leaving bruising kisses behind the latter’s ears.

“No, didn’t imagine you fucking me.” Joshua answers while moaning. “When Seungcheol used to take me from the back while I was on all fours, I used to imagine you below me, kissing me, blowing me. Used to imagine you kissing Seungcheol as well. Used to imagine you both fucking.” 

Jeonghan’s breath hitches as he hears about Joshua’s fantasies. Maybe it also hitches because Seungcheol finally manages to remove Jeonghan’s shirt and now he’s squeezing his ass from behind, the two layers of clothes in between  _ frustrating _ Jeonghan more than anything. 

“Cheol.” Jeonghan whines in discontent. 

“What do you want, baby?” Seungcheol asks while whispering in his ears. The deep voice leaves tingles down his body that reaches his heart and makes the  _ animal _ inside roar. 

Jeonghan remembers the best feature about Seungcheol and his mouth starts to water while he imagines sinking into it. Jeonghan is crazy about  _ Seungcheol’s ass. _ He wants to venerate it and write sonnets about its excellence. 

He turns his head and looks at Seungcheol with fire in his eyes and thirst for the other man’s hard body in his hands.

“I wanna eat you, Cheol. Wanna make you feel so good and take you to the stars.” Jeonghan reveals his desires. 

“Oh,  _ please! _ Wanna see that so bad. Cheollie let him eat you,” Joshua begs in front of Jeonghan as he scrambles his hands over the latter’s chest and starts tracing abstract patterns over it. 

Seungcheol takes a moment and makes eye contact with both Joshua and Jeonghan nervously, clearly indicating the fact that he’s never had someone’s tongue up his ass which is a  _ tragedy _ in Jeonghan’s opinion. 

“I mean, I’ve never had anyone eat me out but I’ll  _ try _ for you guys,” Seungcheol says meekly. Jeonghan perks up at the confirmation and removes himself from between the two men. 

Jeonghan removes his pants while he watches Seungcheol and Joshua make out with each other, the latter appeasing his nerves while divesting Seungcheol of his pants and underwear. 

“Shua? What do you want?” Jeonghan asks as he rubs his now hard cock and feels the tip leaking a bit with precum. 

Joshua breaks the kiss and looks at Jeonghan with hooded eyes while Seungcheol migrates his lips to his jaw and marks it with his fiery love. 

_ “You.  _ I want you.” Joshua’s voice sounds demanding and as much as Jeonghan likes people to submit before him, he likes it  _ more _ when they demand something from him. “I want you to fuck me, Hannie.” 

Jeonghan is satisfied with his wishes because honestly? He wants to fuck Joshua so bad, the  _ ache _ to feel Joshua in the most intimate way possible  _ magnified _ tenfold. 

“Cheol?” 

“Hmm?” Seungcheol hums back without stopping his quest to mark Joshua’s neck. 

“Can you finger Joshua open while I eat you out?” Jeonghan asks. 

“Fuck yeah,” Seungcheol replies eagerly in the very next second, all his inhibition stripped off from earlier. Joshua really might be a  _ magician, _ Jeonghan thinks. 

The final pieces of clothing come off and all three men perch on the bed in their naked glory. Joshua and Seungcheol are already used to seeing each other naked, so they gawk at Jeonghan instead while the latter shamelessly admires the  _ luscious _ pieces of fruits placed in front of him for his  _ pleasure, _ for his own  _ personal use. _ Jeonghan admires the  _ softness _ of Joshua’s pearly white skin and the  _ ruggedness _ of Seungcheol’s pale white skin. A warmth prospers in his belly from the thought that he is partly  _ responsible _ for the pink dusting over their bodies.

“Hannie, you’re so beautiful. So perfect.” Joshua rasps out while wrapping his body over Seungcheol. 

“Jeonghan-ah. Are you ours?” Seungcheol asks as he delicately pats Joshua’s head and tilts his head closer to the latter’s. Jeonghan’s heart  _ constricts _ as he witnesses such tender domesticity in front of him. 

_ “Yours. _ I always want to be yours.” Jeonghan breathes, and he feels exposed at the thought of wanting to be owned by someone else. But he wants it, craves for it and can’t be bothered with the mortifying ordeal of being transparent in front of the two people he loves.  _ Like lovers. _

Satisfied, Joshua moves to lie down on the bed and instructs Seungcheol to sit on top of Jeonghan’s face. The latter crawls towards Joshua and steals a few kisses from him before turning around and lying down on the bed to accommodate Seungcheol. The latter gingerly clambers over Jeonghan’s upper body, the weight grounding him and knocking the air out of his chest.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asks weakly, concern dripping from his voice. Jeonghan wants to be a little  _ romantic _ and convey that he’ll suffer all the horrific pain the world gives him if it brings great pleasure to Seungcheol. Instead, he smiles and pats Seungcheol’s ass encouragingly.

Seungcheol is sensible enough to kneel over Jeonghan’s mouth instead of planting his ass without any preparation. Jeonghan starts by lightly sucking on his inner thighs which gets the latter pulling a few strands of Jeonghan’s hair to support himself or maybe demand a little more. Either way, he  _ offers himself completely _ to Jeonghan so that the latter can wreck him. 

Jeonghan’s lips meander upwards until they reach Seungcheol’s balls and without thinking much, he sucks on it and feels Seungcheol squirm over him. He starts to rock his crotch over Jeonghan’s face. 

“Cheollie?” Joshua breathes. 

“Yeah.” Seungcheol acknowledges Joshua’s unsaid request and grabs the bottle. Jeonghan can’t see much (a tragic shame) but he can hear the cap being flipped open and the sound of lube being squirted out. He patiently lets Seungcheol adjust to the change before attacking him, busying himself with  _ caressing _ Seungcheol’s asscheeks. 

It’s when Jeonghan finally hears Joshua’s breathing increase erratically that he decides it’s time to  _ devour _ his meal. He spreads Seungcheol’s ass and licks with his pointed tongue over the perineum stopping just before the rim. Seungcheol lets out an  _ animalistic moan _ and it sounds like a  _ melody _ to Jeonghan’s ear. 

Jeonghan inserts his finger up the rim and spreads it open.  _ Pink. _ It’s so pink and fluffy. Maybe Seungcheol can also be characterised as  _ soft,  _ Jeonghan thinks _. _ A different soft compared to Joshua. 

Joshua’s loud moaning and persistent pleads give Jeonghan the green light to take things up several notches. He holds Seungcheol’s dick and balls out of the way with one hand and cups Seungcheol’s asscheeks with the other. Then he starts pressing his tongue in earnestly,  _ flat and keen. _ Seungcheol starts to whimper above him and Jeonghan, unfortunately, can’t see much as Seungcheol is bent over him to finger Joshua behind him. So he satisfies himself with sounds, Joshua’s sweet voice mixing with Seungcheol’s rough voice and converging together to make a  _ beautiful symphony. _

Jeonghan licks and sucks as good as he can and eats Seungcheol out like he was born to do this. He finally thinks he’s won something  _ monumental _ when Seungcheol eagerly starts to rock back down on Jeonghan’s tongue, trying to chase the pleasure. 

Jeonghan feels the warmth on his tongue and wonders how can a person taste so sweet. His whole being is  _ swimming _ in honey, navigating his way through the molasses and  _ drowning _ in it.

“Jeonghan-ah! Please, I can’t– I’ll come. Please, stop!” Seungcheol begs so prettily above him which just spurs Jeonghan to dig his tongue deeper and try to stimulate that one  _ spot _ that will have him mewling recklessly. 

“I’m ready! Please! Hannie, I need you inside me  _ now.” _ Jeonghan hears Joshua plead and instantly draws his tongue back. Jeonghan likes to tease Seungcheol, but he’ll never want to goad Joshua. He knows he’s crazy about the two men but his feelings for the two are  _ quite different _ in comparison. 

_ Soft for one, tough for the other. _

They all untangle from each other. Joshua gets on his all fours like a leopard and arches his ass back. 

“Hannie. Is this what you want? Want me on my knees while everything is on display for you?” There is a new kind of fire in Joshua’s eyes as he looks at Jeonghan making the latter restless. 

“Yeah.” Jeonghan tosses back. “Love that you’re presenting yourself to me. Want you to give your all to me, Shua.” Maybe he’ll allow the  _ romance _ to manifest between him and Joshua. It all turns out to be completely worth it when Joshua’s cheeky smile transforms into a shy one as pink dust over his nose and cheeks. 

While Jeonghan makes his way behind Joshua, Seungcheol lies down beside them, completely spent from being taken off the edge. Jeonghan finds him adorable.  _ Cute. _ Great ass, would love to tap it in the future. 

Jeonghan finds the bottle of lube and packet of condoms thrown haphazardly and grabs them. He rolls the condom and then smears the liquid over his rock hard cock that is aching to just sink into heat and feel Joshua as intimately as possible. He guides his dick to Joshua’s entrance and after a couple of nudges, he finally fits inside and starts to thrust in, inch by inch, hearing Joshua whimper quietly below him. His walls pulse around Jeonghan’s dick and the latter feels  _ incredible, _ too good to voice his feelings in words. 

“Just like that, Hannie. You already feel so good.” Joshua stutters while he gets used to Jeonghan inside him. Once Jeonghan finally buries himself to the hilt, he pauses his movements and directs his attention towards Seungcheol.

“Cheollie? How does Shua look right now?” He asks with a smirk on his lips.

Seungcheol finally pays them attention.

“Beautiful beyond belief.” Seungcheol is an honest man and Jeonghan finds that commendable. And he  _ agrees _ with his opinions at the moment. 

“Would you find him more beautiful with his plump lips wrapped around your cock while I ram into him from behind?” Just to demonstrate his  _ ‘ramming’, _ Jeonghan pulls his dick back till the tip and slides right back in one go. Joshua yelps in pleasure. 

“Fuck!” Seungcheol curses as his eyes go dark. Then he crawls towards Joshua cupping his face in his hands.

“Shua? Can I do that? Are you comfortable with that?” Seungcheol beseeches. 

“Yeah.” Joshua nods back keenly. “Want that.  _ Want you.”  _

Jeonghan  _ relishes _ in the eagerness of the two men to be with each other. He thinks he’s so lucky to have found such a relationship on this planet where  _ nobody _ is selfish and  _ everyone _ is open to the endless possibilities this world can give them. 

He watches Seungcheol kneel in front of Joshua, his hard dick standing proudly against his abs. And then, Joshua reaches for his dick and guides it to his mouth. The plush lips wrap around the head and Seungcheol digs his fingers in Joshua’s brown locks. 

Jeonghan starts rocking into Joshua at a steady pace and watches Joshua languidly suck Seungcheol’s cock. Jeonghan thinks the scene in front of him alone is doing so much for him, and he already feels the pressure coiling down in his belly. He doesn’t think he can hold on for much longer. Especially when Joshua is performing  _ crazy stuff _ in front of him, deepthroating Seungcheol like it’s a usual Thursday night for them. 

Jeonghan bets that Joshua is supremely enjoying himself right now. 

“Shua, you look wonderful. So good to us.” Jeonghan praises him.

“I think Josh can come untouched tonight.  _ I know _ he can.” Seungcheol says with conviction as he starts to fuck intently into Joshua’s mouth. The latter moans around his dick loudly and rocks back to Jeonghan’s dick, his moves desperate.

Jeonghan makes eye contact with Seungcheol and for a moment, he imagines the streaks of grey in those dark eyes which melts his whole being into a puddle. He knows there is no magnetic pull between them in reality but something  _ snaps, _ and he feels his throat constrict as the wave of orgasm hits him. He chases the heat relentlessly, pounding into Joshua with all his might.

Jeonghan feels his balls tighten as he buries himself completely inside Joshua and comes while growling. He pulls back and pushes again and repeats the process until he deems his dick is  _ finally spent _ and has  _ satisfied _ his Joshua. 

On the other end, Seungcheol pulls back his own dick and tugs at it hard, finally coming all over Joshua’s face and painting it white with his jizz.

Seungcheol was right about Joshua.

Joshua gets pulled upright by Jeonghan and the latter fingers him mercilessly, rubbing deftly around his spot. And then Jeonghan witnesses Joshua  _ coming untouched, _ his curses breaking off into breathless moans. Jeonghan watches in  _ amazement _ the thick white ropes of cum trickle on the sheet below while Joshua drops his head over Jeonghan’s shoulder, his body completely  _ overwhelmed and sated. _

The three men gather their bearings and catch their breaths as they sprawl lazily over each other, a combined mess of sweat and jizz all over their bodies. 

“We should get cleaned up,” Joshua suggests.

“Jeonghan-ah! Clean us!” Seungcheol demands in a whiny tone. 

“Are you ordering me, Cheollie?” Jeonghan asks with his eyes closed. 

“What are you gonna do about it?” Seungcheol’s tone is teasing, clearly challenging. Jeonghan finally opens his eyes and turns his head towards Seungcheol.

“Are you sure you want to know?” Jeonghan asks in a sweet, sugary voice while raising one of his eyebrows.

That’s all he needs to say as he watches Seungcheol practically rushing out of the bed in a panic to have them all cleaned up.

Jeonghan lies down with a satisfied smirk and cuddles closer to Joshua. His  _ soft and sweet _ Joshua.

  
  


~~~

  
  


A month later, Jeonghan finds himself sitting on a bench in the park and contemplating his life until now. He likes to sit around in nature, surround himself with the greenery while watching the sun hide behind the Han river. 

The dreams haven’t stopped. At this point, both he and Seungcheol have just  _ accepted _ their fate and given up on finding a solution to their connected lives. For all that’s worth, it gives them a warning, a prelude of what’s to come in their lives. Jeonghan has finally learnt to appreciate the  _ convenience _ of it all now that he no longer has to hide and ignore his pining for Seungcheol in the dreams. 

He thinks how crazy it is to be dating his childhood best friend along with a man who he shares dreams with. He wonders where this love will take them. It’s fun now when the romance between them is  _ young and wild. _ Everything between them comes  _ naturally. Easily. Comfortably. _ The dreadful thoughts about their future try to wash over his conscience, but he buries them for now, wanting to bask in a love that  _ feels right, feels good. _ A love that was written for them since the  _ beginning of the time _ as they know it. 

Jeonghan breathes the fresh air around him as he watches little children playing with a ball nearby. Their laughs are infectious and a smile forms automatically on his lips. 

Once upon a time, he used to be a kid like them, but he never got the  _ luxury _ to have a happy childhood like them. All his happy memories from his childhood include Joshua. The bright and kind boy who thought Jeonghan was cool because he was a loner. Jeonghan held a grudge against the world for so many years but now, he can’t seem to be  _ bothered _ by his tragic past. 

Because in the end, he’s happy that he has Joshua and Seungcheol beside him, keeping him  _ warm and safe _ in their arms. 

Jeonghan is naturally a selfish man, but he thinks that he’ll never want anyone else in his life as long as he can enjoy these beautiful times with his two lovers. 

So what if Jeonghan is different from the rest of the herd?

_ ‘It’s not cool to follow the herd like a sheep anyway.’ _

That’s what a 13-year-old Joshua had told him while he had tried to extend a hand of friendship towards Jeonghan. The latter had always kept those words  _ close to his heart _ because it meant so much to him back then. 

It means so much to him even now. 

He’s unique but at least it makes him  _ somebody _ in the crowd full of  _ nobodies. _ Jeonghan is proud to stand out from the crowd and be his own person. 

It’s what makes him be Jeonghan,  _ a man loved dearly by Joshua and Seungcheol. _

  
  


~~~

  
  


Jeonghan is dreaming.

He finds himself standing in the middle of a football field in the dead of the night. The way all the floodlights beam harshly on him feels eerily reminiscent to the  _ first dream _ he ever had. Just like his first dream, the colours wash out near the horizon.

He feels the familiar magnetic pull and turns around to meet Seungcheol, who looks equally astonished at the realisation that they have had this dream before.

This dream brings them to a  _ full circle. _ Back to the beginning. 

A thought crosses Jeonghan’s mind and his whole being lights up with it. He thinks maybe this is their  _ last dream _ and this is meant to signify their farewell. An  _ ode _ to their soul connection. 

Jeonghan tries to voice his thoughts to Seungcheol but suddenly, he feels  _ another _ pull from a different direction. He turns towards the direction and notices  _ another presence _ some 30 metres away from them. 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol look at each other curiously and start to minimise the distance between this third person. At the same time, the person turns around and Jeonghan feels his breath catching in his throat as he  _ recognises _ the man. 

_ Joshua. _

Joshua spots the two men and he brightens up immediately. Whereas Jeonghan and Seungcheol freeze up at their spots as the  _ reality _ crashes down on them. 

This dream is meant to signify a full circle. An  _ end _ of the  _ two men _ sharing their dreams.

It is also meant to signify a  _ beginning _ of the  _ three men _ sharing their dreams and venturing into a future more convoluted, the vines between them twisting and coiling to  _ strengthen _ the bond between them. 

The two men reluctantly recognise that Joshua is not a grand illusion weaved perfectly into his beautiful self by this dream because they can see his lovely eyes. 

Jeonghan can see  _ streaks of steel blue _ reflect in Joshua’s dark and beautiful eyes. 

The cycle begins again. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> please let me know if you liked it by sparing kudos and comments ♥  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/redsyub) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/redsyub)


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